@kumailn: And on the 8th day, He said "Oh I'll make carbs delicious AND fattening LOL!"
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@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
@dildointherough: Dating tip: Photoshop yourself into some of her selfies. Women love guys who are good with computers.