@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
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@ArfMeasures: [Starbucks] ME: [bursts in] THERE'S A GUNMAN AT LARGE BARISTA: [shrugs] ME: [sigh] THERE'S A GUNMAN AT VENTI B: *grande screaming noises*
@heartbread: sometimes i remember i was part of the nsa hack back in spring / that all my data is currently floating around china and i'm like "cool"
@_ShutUpKate: *gets eaten by a shark* At funeral: "She died doing what she loved...*sob*...feeding the animals."