@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
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@FirstDateStory: "My date took me to a nice restaurant. Our server leaned in to me and said, "You're the third one this week"
@osigat: When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that? Now it would be for the prescriptions.
@Sickayduh: [Cruise ship] "HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff
@felixoshea: He entered the gym: eye patch on, peg leg in; he’d made his costume himself. It was a pilates class. He realised his mistake immediately.