@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
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@AnitaHelmet: If one more teenager uses the term 'Back in the day'...I swear I'm gonna smack them with a floppy disk and choke them with my legwarmers.
@WetzelGeek: The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!
@clindsaysway: Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don't tell me about the great 'bargain' you found.