@themorris23: And remember kids, when you go to Target, there really is no "non creepy" way to ask where the Vaseline is.
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@TheBoydP: *spins in circles* *dies* *gets stuck in corner* *dies* *spins in circle* *dies* [Me playing Call of Duty with my son]
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m at a stage in my life where I know I should workout and eat healthy, but swallowing a tapeworm seems easier.
@GinAndJif: Girls, if you're gonna shave your eyebrows off just to draw them on again, at least make them interesting. How about drawing two umbrellas?
@Dutch_50: I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it.