@kumailn: "And remember to talk to everyone like they're a 3rd grader." - flight attendant manual
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@robwhisman: don't hate robert altman's 1992 satirical comedy "the player" hate david fincher's 1997 psychological thriller "the game"
@TheCatWhisprer: gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N me: *presses yes* gas pump: me: *pressing harder* YES gas pump: lol nope
@iamburtjarvis: ufo crew: why are we hovering? ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs ufo crew: why not land? ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af
@TheBeerGuy73: I consider it a personal victory everytime that I don't ask a person wearing a leg cast if they've broken their leg.