@jenlaw_11: And satan said "let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you" and it was so
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@facciabella: An astronaut squirrel, a snail that meows, crab with a whale as a daughter. Dear creators of spongebob, pass the drugs.
@AbbyHasIssues: I missed a call from my mom, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.
@thedailymarker: When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don't open your heart.