@samalmightysam: And so the devil decided to put the delete key above the send key. The end
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@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now
@lilgapeach30: The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!
@WilliamAder: In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.
@Cravin4: I'm so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note. "Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us."