@topaz_kell: And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
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@bingowings14: Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? - How to annoy an Avenger when you're on a road trip.
@bwebster76: Do people who use handkerchiefs know they don't have to hang on to the things that come out of their nose?
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote you can be distant and vague? ME: *staring out the window* Idk, maybe.