@causticbob: And that, Romeo, is why we usually try to take a pulse first.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *reclines* Nice Wife: I still can't believe you bought a used gynecological exam table Me: I can see the tv perfectly between my legs
@OneTrickTofani: *proposes to girlfriend, accidentally dropping the ring in the ocean* "I'll still marry you" No. I'm married to the sea now *dives in*
@mariokeyparty: It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't
@Seinfeld2000: GERG: She licked ur donut? JERY: Shes a DONUT LICKER! GERG: gross! JERY: she also said she "hates america" GERG: Donut licking traitor!