@BonaFideIntent: ....and that's how I ended up laying on the bedroom floor with a potato stuck in my ass.
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@Swishergirl24: No thanks Kentucky Derby. If I wanted to see a defenseless animal get beat into submission I'd just call my boss.
@crushingbort: They put babies on packages of toilet paper because that's what we used to wipe with before scientists discovered they grow up into people
@JohnHilsen: Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.
@WilliamAder: Turned off my lights for "earth hour". I've never had so many other cars honking at me.