@MomOnFire: And then I heard my mother's voice come out of my mouth like a demonic possession, "Get your hands off my breakable ornaments!"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@briangaar: I always carry a pair of shades with me because you never know when you might see a dead body & say something cool
@Angibangie: Me: What’s the word for a female scientist? Him: A scientist? Me: No, a ‘ResearcHER,’ Haha get it? Him: I get that we're never going on a second date
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
@ArfMeasures: Me: Then the robber came through the door holding a gun Cop: Was it a revolver? Me: No he just pushed it open and walked through like normal