@Love_bug1016: And then Satan said, "save time ~ respond to her text with a K."
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@pleatedjeans: "Ostriches can't fly" said the totally racist stewardess who made me dismount my ostrich & board the plane on foot like a lowly commoner
@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.
@HuntPoindexter: My aunt unfriended me on Facebook so I can guarantee you that I will bring it up and ruin Thanksgiving this year.