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@muniraxo: And then Satan whispered, hey let's put the alphabet in math
@CornOnTheGoblin: [whispers to you at my own funeral] ok don't freak out
@WheelTod: My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children.
@lemonmartinis: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together - Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll
@omgthatspunny: It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.
@EndhooS: Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house?
Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX