@muniraxo: And then Satan whispered, hey let's put the alphabet in math
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@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.
@JessObsess: [Starbucks] What can I get you? I'll have a large coffee, black "You don't have to say black" I'll have a large coffee, African American
@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."
@novicefather: I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Sarah McLachlan. Will I murder you? Will I adopt a puppy with you? You don't know.