@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
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@KingRainhead: date: i had fun tonight me: me too me: *mashes mouth against one cheek & slowly drags it across their whole face* me: that's how slugs kiss
@ndiquote: My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten.
@SmiggieBalls2: *grandpa in hospice* "son your generation relies on technology too much" "no gramps" *pulls the plug* "yours does." beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep