@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
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@JohnHilsen: Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn't believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.
@Cheeseboy22: Something I like to do when I'm voting is tell to turn to the person at the stall next to me and whisper, "What did you put for number 3?"
@dubstep4dads: "haha! silly rabbit! trix are for-" *rabbit puts a gun to the kids head* who are they for billy. tell me again who they're for
@thesupergrobi: I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice.