@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
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@3sunzzz: *carrying dog* Clerk: no pets allowed Me: *closes eyes* It's my seeing eye dog. C: You tried that last week. M: IT'S MY SEEING EYE DOG!
@iGreenMonk: She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight? Me: But darling i'm a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?