@TheBeerGuy73: ...and then the whiskey whispered "You should totally tell her about what your ex used to do to you in bed."
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@gobmentcheese: I've worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn't noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions.
@ObscureGent: The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment "gorgeous" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies.
@MarlonBrandNO: Blind Date: SWEET JESUS I DONT HAVE ANY EYES Me: Of course you don't, you're a date Blind Date: WHAT Me: Kind of like a big raisin