@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."
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@_davidlucas_: Thanks to Sesame Street, I grew up thinking that Americans had a particular problem with counting.
@13spencer: Have you guys seen that great television show, "Candy Crush Saga With The Sound From Another Television Show Playing In The Background?"
@philmann: [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"
@ewfeez: [spelling bee] Your word is "coincide" -could u use it in a sentence? Sure: When the nickel murdered the penny it was a case of "coincide"