@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.
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@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
@GrantTanaka: [supermarket] bagger: would you like some help out to your car? me: [lies down] oh that would be delightful