@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.
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@Cidisn: Look, woman, I'll do laundry when I'm out of clean clothes. *puts on skirt* I didn't say whose clothes.
@mrtimlong: When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to "make God laugh"? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to "make God some bookshelves."
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I've had too much to drink and I really need to pee.