@matt___nelson: [angrily taking off banana suit] "Why didn't you tell me we were going to a funeral"
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@DadandBuried: My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you're not allowed to use them. Because nothing says CLASS like useless towels.
@daemonic3: Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month
@kelkulus: Fun Christmas Trivia: "Myrrh" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*