@matt___nelson: [angrily taking off banana suit] "Why didn't you tell me we were going to a funeral"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WheelTod: Better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all; but if going spelunking was your idea, you should at least *try* to find her.
@Crunk_Jews: Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid.
@FinallyHeSleeps: Finding $5 you didn't know you had is awesome til you realize you're 34, it's 2011 & $5 won't even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.
@ComedicBust: Girlfriend: How old were you when you lost your virginity, 16-17? Me: [remembering having a bowl cut until I was 28] Around there.