@casual_koala: Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store.
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@TrentoMento: Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! "dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture"
@HomeProbably: "Can I borrow your charger?" Me: Sure. *offers keys to my pristine 1969 Dodge Charger Daytona* "I meant for my iPhone." Me: Oh, hell no.
@celticrose2312: I bought shampoo for "badly behaved" hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies.
@clarkekant: I wish everyone would stop vaccinating their children. It’s really cutting down these lines at Disneyland!