@WritePlay: Anjelica Huston got married to the inventor of autocorrect and now her legal name is Ageless Ice Houseboat.
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@Just_some_girl2: Seeing twin toddler red haired girls on leashes in Target was my birth control reminder for the day.
@FrogAvalanche: [On phone] "Did u see the weather forecast?" "No. I refuse to be sucked in by Big Weather." "Where are you? Its so noisy." "IN A TORNADO."
@kelkulus: For Earth Day, turn on your air conditioner and open your doors and windows. If we all work together, we can totally cool this planet.
@GrantTanaka: parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are