@Nickadoo: Ann Coulter has managed to stay so thin because the last solid meal she ate was Hansel and Gretel.
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@BambamVictoria: My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work.
@truegritrumble: WIFE:Did you get the spaghetti? ME:Better. WIFE:Better? ME:Look at this crazy, wild spaghetti I found outside! *hands just full of snakes*
@SimplyEffortful: My husband: It'd be nice to have a wife who cooked dinner. Me: ooo!! Can we get one?
@JasonLastname: Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine.