@mama_earp: Announced sternly to students today that "only hard things are worth doing!" In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.
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@TheBoydP: Give me Players for $500 Alex "When you lose the game because you don't have any moves" What is checkmate? "Wrong! What is your sex life"
@Zwolf666: My neighbor's 13-month old only has four teeth. She's way too young to being doing that much meth.
@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool