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@ericsshadow: [annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?
@bridger_w: Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things
@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo-
SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@LilyRoseLynn: My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
@ShanaRose21: 69 is the kamikaze of sex. If I'm going down, you're coming with me.
@offshore122: Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.