@ericsshadow: [annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Laser_Cat: The British are coming! The British are coming! The British have to get up early! The British swear they'll call you in the morning!
@TheToddWilliams: [first date] HER: I totally love Nirvana ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums HER: Nevermind ME Okay, forget about it then
@monicaheisey: my dad has been telling me for years about various friendly encounters with Mike, another resident of his apartment building he really likes and i found out yesterday that Mike is a dog
@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear