@ericsshadow: [annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?
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@mortimermaiden: Me: I'm gonna renovate the house once I get my promotion. After that, kids maybe? Date: Are you still talking about The Sims? Me: Of course.
@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.
@hazelmotes1: It seems to me that if you can afford a barrel and a pair or suspenders you can afford a pair of pants.