@EliTerry: another car tip: once a month, open the hood and rip out one thing. most of the engine is decorative and weighs down your car
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@huntigula: WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie
@slimmy_shady: I don't want a boyfriend. Just someone to call me beautiful, love me right, and fix the clogged drain in my bathtub. Mostly the drain thing.
@ScottLinnen: "Seek immediate medical help if you experience a resurrection lasting more than 2000 years."
@badbanana: Can we still see the Grand Canyon from the air or has the government put a giant tarp over it?