@CherBear162: Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape
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@Bexdora: Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office. *Monkey flinging office equipment out the window* Brian hates clutter.
@pizzajaynow: When a Jehovah Witness dies, Heaven turns off all the lights and pretends no one is home.
@CulturedRuffian: Mom: You can't have cookies for breakfast! Me: Why? Mom: Have something healthy-here, eat these chocolate chip pancakes with syrup instead
@fro_vo: [on a date] Me: so how bout *seductively takes a bite of an orange* we go to my place Date: you’re supposed to peel that first