@AskAuntieEm1: Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
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@MrFilmkritik: When someone disagrees with you online & demands you prove your point to their satisfaction by writing a logically sound defense, u can save a lot of time by not doing that. Dude, I’ve known u for ten seconds & enjoyed none of them, I’m not taking homework assignments from you.
@david8hughes: [doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other] Bad news, pal. You're a skeleton.
@OneFunnyMummy: The longer you're a parent the harder it is to act excited when people tell you they're pregnant.
@topaz_kell: When there's a police car behind you with their lights flashing... It means speed up, right?