@AskAuntieEm1: Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
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@Ygrene: [being murdered by cows] more like (finger quotes) "moodered" amirite [the other farm animals immediately join in, even some corn is mad]
@5hael: Thanks for saying 'on your mobile' in your bio, for a moment I thought you might be tweeting like me, from a calculator in the psych ward
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I did pretty well. I left with four kids, and I came back with four kids. Wife: The same four kids? Me: I'll be right back.
@TheTweetOfGod: The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.