@SamuelHlowe: Oh my God! Honey, the baby just said "Dada!" Wait, why is he using air quotes?

@dafloydsta: [first day as a lawyer] ME: Clearly my client is guilty, your Honor. JUDGE: *pinching bridge of nose* Are you sure you want to defend yourself?

@ObscureGent: 2025 -All children are named Logan -The most recent president is a ferret who came in 2nd on the Amazing Race. -Betty White is still alive

@NicestHippo: It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency

@NicestHippo: A squiggly red line should appear under people who are wrong for you