@SamuelHlowe: Oh my God! Honey, the baby just said "Dada!" Wait, why is he using air quotes?
@dafloydsta: [first day as a lawyer]
ME: Clearly my client is guilty, your Honor.
JUDGE: *pinching bridge of nose* Are you sure you want to defend yourself?
@ObscureGent: 2025
-All children are named Logan
-The most recent president is a ferret who came in 2nd on the Amazing Race.
-Betty White is still alive
@NicestHippo: It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency
@NicestHippo: A squiggly red line should appear under people who are wrong for you
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