@aRealLiveGhost: anti-tattoo people saying "my body's a temple" like they wouldn't worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra
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@T_Bonezzz_: [INFOMERCIAL] "Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER" Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs... *Changes channel
@KKAlThani: If you love something, set a cheese trap. If you catch it, it's a mouse. Why are you in love with a mouse?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control. ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.
@iwearaonesie: How people watch movies when they’re: DATING *hold hands* ENGAGED *cuddle* MARRIED *one person turns the volume up when I’m choking on a piece of popcorn*