@aRealLiveGhost: anti-tattoo people saying "my body's a temple" like they wouldn't worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra
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@iwearaonesie: me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.
@theshamingofjay: Growing a beard comes from laziness. If you ladies think that's sexy I have some laundry on my bedroom floor that'll turn you on.
@dixinormus10: I didn't think it was possible to travel 10 years back in time until I got into an argument with my wife.