@MikeZakarian: Anxiety = waiting to see if the middle seat will stay unoccupied as people are boarding your flight.
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@audipenny: person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON
@_Tempo11: I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
@NicestHippo: I love killing for fun "Sociopath! Arrest him!" I mean I love hunting "Why didn't you say so my good man, want to kill together sometime?"
@kelkulus: When I'm bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me "Do you know where this came from?"