@MikeZakarian: Anxiety = waiting to see if the middle seat will stay unoccupied as people are boarding your flight.
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@kelkulus: Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we're pigs.
@catlikethiefx0: Taylor Swift just waved at a boy and he didn't wave back so now she's got a new album coming out tomorrow.
@bromanconsul: congrats to those who made it onto my "Not A Lizard" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum.