@matt___nelson: Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going
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@TEXASVETERAN: I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.
@TheIronSherk: I can't believe how different life was before *googles* Al Gore invented the Internet
@ValeeGrrl: Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.
@HiddenPinky: The limerick writers on Twitter Can be justifiably bitter The limited length Is weakness, not strength And throws our last lines down the sh