@myles_morrison: Any girl who says she's not the jealous type will change her tune when another girl phones you drunk at 3am.
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@clyderun: My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.
@wolfpupy: you couldn't be more wrong, i on the other hand could be far more wrong due to my incredibly vast stupidity
@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@StellaRtwot: If an interviewer asks you: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" say "I don't know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?"