@rolldiggity: "Any minute now. Any minute..." -Lincoln Logs, waiting for a phone call from Hollywood
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@randomlawless: My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to "work her core." I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. I win.
@BonaFideIntent: HR: Me: HR: Me: HR: "..16. 16 STAPLES in Diane's forehead..." Me: HR: Me: "..it was the last twizzler" HR: Me: HR: Me: *eats twizzler*
@electrolemon: i'm so sorry sir, but we here at chase bank don't accept gun-for-money exchanges. and we need an amount, not just "all the money you got"
@NoTrophy4You: When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?"."Not yet," she replied