@DirtMcTurd: Any shampoo can be volume control shampoo if you cram the bottle directly into your kids mouth
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@gagging: If you think marijuana doesn't kill you've obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right.
@ChipKellysBalls: Next time you decide to complain about your problems, just remember, some guy out there has Snooki as his mom ...
@MatCro: "Pete's coming for dinner tonight." "Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?" [Massive thud] "I'll just check."
@AmandasNotFunny: I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :(