@KMDrunner: Any time I see a pic of Princess Leia's hair I get a craving for a cinnabon
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@ShaeAaron: The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed.
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@velcrofannypack: Directions: avoid contact with eyes "It's Ok, Shampoo, I feel shy sometimes too."