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@PanicRestroom: Anyone can recommend a good Hobbit movie?
@aimlessamers: I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.
@kerihw: Scientist: But WHY is the bee population dying?
Scientist: No idea. *eats bee*
Scientist: Did you just eat a bee?
Scientist: *eats bee* No.
@Brianhopecomedy: 100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada.
8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.
@thejamietighe: ?When the moon hits your eye?
You'll be killed.
@DaddyBeerGuy: Boss-You're Always the first one here!
Me-Hey,*early bird gets the worm, right?
*gets to poop or drink coffee without 3yr old interrupting