@timdonakowski: Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.
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@AndDesist: I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work.
@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@joeljeffrey: [Eating] Waiter: How's the meal? Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
@beefman138: Dear people filming disasters : You need to zoom out before running for your lives. Nobody likes blurry footage, you selfish animals.