@timdonakowski: Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.
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@moose_chocolate: "So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?" -me to everyone at Starbucks.
@generaldietz: lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?
@noimnotjewish: Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let's dial back that "It's 4 am!" attitude, mmkay?