@timdonakowski: Anyone else bite their bottom lip and make a noise when inserting your headphone plug? Me neither.
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@sacha_is_good: "If you could take one thing from a burning house, what would it be?" THE FIRE. I WOULD TAKE THE FIRE AND PUT IT OUTSIDE. Easy. Next.
@StellaRtwot: Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?
@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
@Bahstonlady: Babies make for the worst pets ever, I try to explain to all of the expectant mothers at the grocery store.