@ashdal2012: Anyone else ever wondered how long it would take a giraffe to throw up ?
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@hippieswordfish: ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'
@InternetHippo: ME: *falls in love only w/ people who are mean to me* Why does this keep happening [flashback] GOD: *points to me* Make that one an idiot
@Rainbowbunee: Pretty woman, the kind that don't eat meat Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees Ohoh what can I do? She's making me eat vegan food
@WheelTod: "Good parenting isn't giving your kid everything she needs, but giving her the tools to get it for herself" I say, handing my 6yo a crossbow