@PimpBillClinton: Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
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@JasonLastname: *approaches drive-thru window on a camel* "Sir, here's your 17 big macs and a large milkshake." May I please have a straw? *camel collapses*
@BoogTweets: [at a wake] Me: *closes coffin to set my drink down* so, what are you doing after this Widow: wow
@TheMichaelRock: CW: I spent all weekend raking leaves. Me: I don't rake. CW: Leaves will kill your grass! Me: I wonder how grass survived before humans.