We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@sarcasticmommy4: Anyone know a Minecraft interpreter? I don't understand my son's Christmas list.
@Laser_Cat: Hot, single, raccoons in your area want to rummage through your garbage.
@Carbosly: I really really hope parallel universe me is vomiting on my cat's carpet right now.
@turtledumplin: My husband's safe word is 'CRAMP!'
@hythemafia: I've quit my new job as a postman.....
.....they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought:
"This isn't for me."
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."