@InThaBurbs: Anyone know the second rule of fight club?
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@NicestHippo: "Bro she's a cold digger" [later with gf] Do you only want me for my germs? [she stops licking my face] Why would you ask that?
@ixix82: Me: "Relax. Make conversation, let them get to know you." Also Me: "The longest tape worm ever found inside a human body was 82' in length."
@QwertyJones3: MY DAD: Foreigners in this country need to learn English. ALSO MY DAD: I heard you got a new hi-bird car.
@david8hughes: If I'm found dead in the bathtub clutching a toaster, check for Pop-Tarts before jumping to conclusions.