@ticknada: Anyone that says I'm a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
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@MadamBetteNoire: Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
@UkeOfEarl1: [Working in a hospital] ME: Well, this guy's autopsy is done NURSE: You mean tonsillectomy ME: Uh oh
@shadygrenade: *ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]