@Shock_Monster: Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today.
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@Dan_Haak: [Dog Court] Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury: We find the defendant, not a good boy. *dogs family in courtroom begins to cry*
@CulturedRuffian: For Lent I've decided to give up my New Year's Resolutions, now pass the Girl Scout Cookies.
@BoozeWallet: *opens kitchen garbage to discover there's no bag in it* *walks 6 miles to gas station to throw out kleenex rather than putting new bag in*
@thatdutchperson: I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.