@gavinspeiller: Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase "but there's a good chance I'm wrong about that"
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@IamEnidColeslaw: Just before a Subway employee starts making my sandwich, I'll stop them and whisper, "Like you mean it."
@delusions_of: I wish when someone called me my phone had an "Accept", "Decline" and "Send Electric Shock" option.
@Iwriteforcats: Hideous monsters for sale! Selling cheap! Crazy wild beasts! Won't last long! "Honey, stop trying to sell the kids."