@LivibelsDada: Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two mars bars fall out of a vending machine at once.
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@LeonEarlgrey: Haloween is over, but i just saw a group of people dressed up as the ghosts of the Cone Heads.
@AndyAsAdjective: Your an idiot. -You're. What? -You're not your. But I said it. I didn't type it. We're talking. -Yeah but I heard the typo. You're an idiot.
@shariv67: Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say "Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."
@samiru27: Jane Austen really squandered the opportunity to write a sequel called "2 Proud 2 Prejudiced."