@sacca: Anyone who says "Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
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@mynameisntdave: MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles* ME: that supposed to intimidate me? *his fingers start to glow like glowsticks* ME: k I'm scared but thats rad
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Phone with Mom] "Did you just friend request me?" I'm on fb now "I'm not adding you" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*
@hippieswordfish: ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon
@juliussharpe: I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid.