@sacca: Anyone who says "Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
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@SaraMansford: Dear parents buying holiday gifts for teachers: They don't want candles or a Starbucks GC. They put up with your kids. They want wine.
@vexroid: Found $0.83 under my pillow. It appears that I still have all of my teeth so now I'm a little worried about what I was paid for.
@HellisWorthit: My spanish class in high school should have had a bit less "Where is the bathroom" and a bit more "She was dead when we got here".
@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.