@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
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@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better] "sorry, we're full" [lights myself on fire]
@KeetPotato: "just get thru the 1st day without them finding out youre an elephant" IT dude: "ok here's your new mouse" [just fkn destroys the place]
@Rollinintheseat: When you're talking to someone with no teeth, you find out teeth are also a retaining wall for spit.