@BubblesnBooze: Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill.
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@ABurgerADay: Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use knockout gas or whack me over the head with a canoe paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
@RS3Feed: I like to go to death metal shows and throw throat lozenges on the stage, it shows I care.
@1Bad_Scientist: Her: Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom? Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.