@BubblesnBooze: Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
@LeoLion_16: My neighbours loved that song so much, they threw a rock in my window to hear it better.
@david8hughes: [opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure] Me: whoa Friend: what is it? Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders
@CliffDuffy: Becky on Facebook is having a bad hair day and wonders if anything will ever go right. Be strong Becky, be strong. Also shut up.