@BubblesnBooze: Anyone who says time flies, has obviously never been on a treadmill.
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@InternetHippo: [hell] Satan: Everybody get online & read stuff that makes you mad for eternity Guy next to me: Nooooo Me: I trained my whole life for this
@UncleDuke1969: [mall] Me: That guy looks SO familiar! Wife: … M: Maybe an actor? Musician? W: … M: I’ll get an autograph! W: He’s our mailman, moron.
@slimmy_shady: Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."