@jeffswarens: Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
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@tastefactory: 2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny 2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over
@AbbyHasIssues: I missed a call from my mom, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.
@Nahdude83: Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*