@dreamthievin: ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
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@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?
@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it
@hazelmotes1: I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.