@mstluvstrinkets: Anything I accomplish before I finish my first cup of coffee has been fueled by rage.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Dildotron: I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* "Sir, its an ultrasound" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*
@notacroc: GROCER: slide your card ME: it didn't work GROCER: does it have a chip? ME: *puts hand over pringle in my pocket I was saving for later* no
@NervousJr: The same woman who said "I'm your mom not your friend" has sent me 17 Facebook friend requests.
@Parentpains: Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.