@Mr_Kapowski: Anytime a frozen meal tells me to "cut holes in film to vent" I pretend like I'm Norman Bates with a knife, complete with sound effects
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@pleatedjeans: [Donald Duck opens gift] Daisy: It's pants. Try them on! Donald: [stands] STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME WOMAN
@AimeeHelene1: Me: You won't believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza. Him: M: *looks down* *sees pepperoni all over*
@Tmoney68: Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
@SincerelyMen: I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.